JOURNAL ENTRY: January 22, 2013
THE LIGHT WITHIN
I sat at the piano this morning trying to feel the light…something unside took over my hands and it never comes from me..(Sarah you have a beautiful piano…thank you for letting me play it.) Sometimes I feel as though my passiveness is seen as weakness, or my inability to cope with hurtful words or emails that send me over the edge..that too is seen as weakness. I have the Light…I am not perfect, as a matter of fact I cant even stand to look at myself in the mirror, and I know many of you can relate, you know exactly what I am saying. One thing I do hang on to is my integrity…I strive to be what I say I am. It does not always happen for I am the worst of sinners. But everyday as I give in to the Light within it changes me. What comes out of our mouths or what we put into words should be very close to who we say we are. So if I say I am a follower of Jesus, and I then proceed to malign, to abuse, to cause grief in a human soul with hateful email or with the very words that come from my mouth…there cannot be light…for the light dispels the darkness…its the very nature of light. So what I continue to say to those who have been granted power with words from the Almighty, and you continue to use them to create darkness…it will not last…so I suppose you should rejoice now at the grief you have caused for a great Day of reckoning is coming. Me…I will continue to be looked at as weak, stupid, passive, and just plain weird…but I tell you… I have the Light…and He will one day set it all straight. When you have the Light it will surely come out of you, in the same manner when you truly have darkness you will write it, brag about it, and be certain to inflict it on innocent human souls. Let the Light shine…
Isn’t it amazing how so much can be send in so few words? Words have a powerful impact on people…not just on those that receive them but on those who speak…or write…them.
I’ve kept quiet about a situation that began over the summer. Many of you may have been aware that an individual–who self identified herself–began posting personal fact about my life, called my employers, made very false accusations, created horrific websites, and plain outright lied about me. This person even brought my family into the mix of abuse. Finally, this person reported me as being “unreal” to Facebook, claimed my friends (who stuck up for me when I was attacked) were bullying her and even had a few blocked from Facebook.
Throughout all of this, I kept quiet.
But now, I’m done.
“Someone” (or perhaps more than one person as the IP addresses are from two states) has taken a fascination with my friends, one in particular, and has been sending not very Christian or kind emails to them, filled with hateful words, put-downs, and other mocking things focusing on our friendship among other things. I don’t know that it’s the same individual although the ugliness is the same. And, as always, I will NOT identify this person…I let this person do that him/herself.
This weekend, the mocking question was asked “You think so?”. I have a response to that. It is a loud and clear: YES…I KNOW SO! I know that someone needs to stop writing ridiculous and crazy emails late at night when Lord knows what is overtaking that person’s mind. I know that someone needs to bury his or her nose in his or her own work and stop trying to overthrow others.
And the other thing that I know is that this person, this shell of a person who hides behind the computer, is sad. And this person will never measure up to the greatness and glory that I see in the very people she tries to put down.