Those first steps. They are so scary! Terrifying even. What if I fall? What if I mess up? What if I embarrass myself?
What if–what if– what if…
It starts so young. The first little baby steps. At first we held on to the edge of the couch or coffee table. Or, we wrapped our little dimply hands around a grown-up’s finger as they led us in front of them. Eventually, we ventured out on our own taking those tiny tiptoe steps. (Or if you were like my oldest, you waved your hands in the air like a monkey. LOL. That was so adorable.) Anyway, our first attempts at walking were only the beginning of many, many, MANY firsts.
Over the last three years or so, God has been asking me to make some major changes in my life. To say He has wanted me to step out of my box would be putting it mildly. I feel like He has asked me to take off into another galaxy. I am basically an introvert. As an adult, I’ve been fine with my little close knit world. I’ve had one or two close friends, my husband, and my children. I’ve been good with pulling out of the garage, going to work, pulling back in the garage, shutting the door, and living a quiet private life.
God started saying things like:
“I want you to join some groups and talk to people you don’t know”
“I don’t like strangers though.”
“I want you start writing devotions.”
“1. I can’t write. 2. I don’t have enough education, knowledge, spirituality, or desire.”
“I want you blog.”
“Ok. No. Nope. That is too personal. No one wants to hear about me or my thoughts. They’ll think I’m stupid. People who know me will judge me. No thanks.”
“I want you to speak.”
“ABSOLUTELY NOT. No. NO. NOOOOOOOOO. Nope. Not gonna do it. (covers ears) I didn’t even hear that. There is no way. I will fall flat on my face. I’m not a public speaker. I might be able to write thoughts, but to convey them orally? No. You don’t need me to speak. You’ve already got my dad, my mom, my aunt, my uncle, my cousins, my brother–you don’t need me. That is not my thing. Thank you, but, no.”