When I got married, my favorite date was a meal out.
I was that girl that didn’t gain weight. I wasn’t too skinny. I’m very petite (that is the polite way of saying I’m short). I had been a gymnast, and despite not exercising, I held on to my muscle tone nicely. I didn’t worry about having a late night snack or a cheeseburger for lunch. Someone brought donuts to work? No problem, they didn’t accumulate on my hips.
Even though weight issues plague both sides of my family, I just knew that I had dodged that bullet and I got the lucky genes…until I hit the “m” word. Middle Age. Suddenly, every crumb I put in my mouth caused a new cellulite dimple on my thigh. I still thought that it was temporary for some reason…that it would just be a few pounds.
In one year I gained 15 pounds. Reality hit. I have entered a new phase of life and I can’t wish it away. The days of cutting one dessert a day out and losing five pounds are gone.
Some of you know that two years ago I went through a desert. A valley. A black hole. I had a break down. My world shut down around me. It was the most difficult time of my life and, frankly, I wasn’t sure I was going to make it. But, during that time, I submitted my entire life to God. I realized I couldn’t fix any part of “me”. Eventually, I got well and came out of it stronger in my faith, closer to my family, and blessed with wonderful friends.
So. Now I find myself in a new place. Wednesday night, after eating a very large brownie covered in frozen custard and caramel while not being in the least hungry, I realized that I have a problem. It seems that I have quite possibly traded my addiction to anxiety and obsessiveness for food…especially sugar.
Over the last year I have cried to my friends, my co-workers and my family about my weight gain.
Me: “I need to lose weight.”
Them: “Drink more water.”
Them: “Count your calories.”
Me: “That’s so much work.”
Them: “Start exercising.”
So. Thursday morning, I got up and weighed. I knew it was going to be bad. But, I had no idea. I was shocked. I–I just couldn’t believe it. Yet, I could. Why would it be any different? That night, I was in the shower (that is where most of my brainstorming occurs) and God spoke to me (it’s also where God talks to me…probably because it’s one of the few places I am semi-still and quiet). Guess what He said? He told me that it was time for me to give food to Him. No more crying to friends. No more playing games. No more hoping, wishing, pretending. Give. Food. To. Him.
When I want four pieces of honey toast before bed? I will pray.
When the cookies tempt me after work and I want six instead of one? I will pray.
When I want four pieces of pizza instead of one? I will pray.
When I want three spoons of sugar in my coffee? I will pray.
When I want to eat a bag of Twizzlers? I will pray.
You see, I can’t do this on my own. Food has taken an unhealthy place in my life. It has become my comfort. It’s my companion when I’m bored. When I’m happy, it helps me celebrate. When I’m sad, it numbs me. I’ve allowed it to take the place of God in my life…at least to some degree, right?
So, like two years ago, I am finding myself coming into a new relationship with my Heavenly Father. Two years ago I laid my depression, anxiety and panic at His feet. Now, it’s my addiction to food and sugar. I still battle depression and anxiety. But, when they rear their ugly heads at me, I quickly go to my Father. I know that this will be a battle as well, but I have the Creator of the Universe as my General and He will see me through to victory.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (AMP)
Do you not know that your body is the temple (the very sanctuary) of the Holy Spirit Who lives within you, Whom you have received [as a Gift] from God? You are not your own,
You were bought with a price [purchased with a[a]preciousness and paid for, [b]made His own]. So then, honor God and bring glory to Him in your body.
Lisa Bull sees her life as a journey along God’s divine plan. While considering herself an expert on nothing, she enjoys laughing and has made “choosing joy” her motto. Lisa has experienced God’s unfailing love and grace in her life and wants nothing more than for others to enjoy that same gift in their lives.
Lisa is the daughter and granddaughter of ministers. She has multiple relatives in ministry on both sides of her father’s family including several pastors, pastor’s wives, and missionaries. In fact, ministry in her maternal grandmother’s family can be traced back several generations. She loves being a wife and mother of two terrific young men.