Why I Haven’t Been Doing Morning Coffee

Depression. It’s a very serious affliction. And I’ve been suffering it for years. The good news is that there is medicine to help with it. But sometimes life overpowers even the best of medicine.

In church yesterday, the pastor talked about the veterans and how they sacrifice everything for the rest of the country. These men and women (and their families) give up everything for others, Many lose their lives for us. The rest give up portions of their lives for us. They deserve our respect and support for those sacrifices.

And yet, NFL players think they have the right to take a knee during the anthem, in protest of Lord knows what. Maybe they don’t even know; surely some feel pressured to do it by their peers who berate them if they don’t agree with the “popular” consensus of their teammates.

This is the perfect symbol of what is wrong with this country, politicizing their disagreement with the way the country is going by showing complete disrespect to the country and those who gave their all is the epitome of the self-serving attitudes that permeate our society. And yet, they don’t realize that what is wrong with the country is exactly what they are doing: thinking only of themselves.

The pastor’s sermon really struck a chord with me and, afterward, I was talking with my friend about it. It’s hard to remain a giver in a world of takers. The pastor talked about helping those veterans, helping those fellow Christians who need help. He talked about not putting ourselves first, but putting other people first.

As my friend and I discussed, how is that possible? The givers give and the takers take. There is no fair balance for the givers and I’m not certain there is a chance for the takers to see the errors of their ways.

While I don’t want to become bitter and change who I am, this problem creates an emotional unbalance within me. I am, after all, a giver.

There is a saying that no good deed goes unpunished. How many times have you done something to help other people and it bites you in the rear end? How does a person remain sane when this happens over and over and over again?

To make matters worse, when you are feeling down in the dumps, there are people who like to kick you so that you are no longer on your knees but face first in the dirt.

I know there is Scripture that I should refer to, Scripture to make me get up instead of give up. But depression doesn’t always work that way.

And some people delight in knowing that.

When I had cancer, I did my best to be brave and positive–for me but also for other people, people who were close to me. Some people took advantage of that. A few weeks ago, I was looking for an old email. I happened to find a string of emails from friends and strangers mixed in with emails from another person. While the strangers and friends sent me emails of encouragement–best wishes, prayers, love–this other person was constantly asking me for help with a self-serving project. Over and over and over again. Seeing it in black and white like that was shocking to me. I think, at the time, I had become immune to it.

Another example: On a recent Morning Coffee Livestream, I spoke  about the woman who flipped off President Trump’s motorcade. A 50-year-old woman who, as a result, was terminated. The mother of two children. She became the poster-child, in my opinion, for the values that are being taught to our children. Rather than apologize and taking responsibility for behaving so poorly, this woman is speaking out in support of her action and people are rallying against the company for terminating her, rather than applauding the company for having morals and reprimanding one of their corporate citizens for engaging in moral turpitude.

So here is my question. When did our country begin losing civility? Manners? Concern for other people? Respect? I believe it happened a long time ago when society lost sight of people’s roles. Instead of it being about taking care of each other, it became focused on taking care of oneself. And as those adults had children, that is what became the norm in those households. Think about yourself first and screw how you hurt other people.

This is a terrible lesson and, for me, it’s very, very distressing.

But there are other things that add to my distress. Little things that have knocked me down on my knees. People who pass judgment without knowing the facts. Fathers who abandon their responsibility for their children, especially because they just want to inflict pain instead of being concerned about their child. Children who never say thank you or show appreciation. Courts that are unjust and, at times, completely nonsensical and unfair. Parents that let their children dictate life changes to them–without a thought for who they are hurting in the process. People who have no qualms about stabbing others who helped them. Life that doesn’t let up on giving us a break from time to time.

So that is why I haven’t been doing Morning Coffee. Sometimes I share too much and, when it’s not positive and Sarah Sunshine, I get negative emails and messages from people. The way that I am feeling right now, I knew that I couldn’t be Sarah Sunshine, but I also knew that I couldn’t handle hate messages. So I’ve taken a step back to regroup.

I thought that being in Florida would help me overcome the depression. It’s only gotten worse. The plans that we (my husband and I) had for this winter have changed, thanks to some unscrupulous people who selfishly did a number on us. I know that it has only delayed the good times that are ahead, but it’s painful in the meantime. And a lot of unforeseen hard work which, after so many years of giving, giving, and giving while sacrificing on our own part is a tough pill to swallow.

Anyway I promise that I will get up and not give up. But I need some time.


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19 thoughts on “Why I Haven’t Been Doing Morning Coffee

  1. I just don’t deal with putdowns around where we live. So sorry for all the hurtful people that have done this to you. May God give you a peace and better understanding of your depression. My 85 year old sister is going thru bad depression and has lost her faith in God she says. Keep the faith and believe.

  2. Sarah may you know that I will pray daily for you to let your light shine… it may be on a dimmer right now but know your heart and in time you will be lighting the way for your family and friends, like me~
    Hugs & Love, Mary Lesko

  3. Take all the time you need, my friend. Praying for you in the powerful name of
    Jesus! God’s Got This! He is our Healer, Provider, Protecter, Abba Daddy. He fights
    our battles.

  4. I hope you feel better really soon you are a terrific person and I love your morning coffee.You have made me feel so much happier on many days I love your positive and honest outlook.Take asll the time you need and know we are all thinking of you.

    1. Aiden is my 10 year old wise and sweet little grandson! Whenever I feel sad or lonely ( I have lived with him & his sisters,brother & my daughter & son-in-law since my husband passed away) he brings me hot tea! Sometimes I go for a walk with his 6 year old sister. Both were adopted by my daughter & husband. They also have a 17 year old son & 15 year old daughter! Take Aidens advice and make a list of all the happy & good things in life! It can outway all the bad! I am 87 years old and everyday I discover something new & good! ( Like the first beautiful snowfall!) May God be with you! A lover of your books- Kelly

  5. Depression is real, I am also suffering and it is made worse when watching news, which I quit doing. Day by day, it’s a constant fight to stay up. But I am fighting.

  6. Take all the time you need. Jeremiah 29:11. God says He knows the plans He has for you and it’s for your good. Psalm 139 says you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You just have to listen to Him and delete the other stuff. I pray that God will pour out a blessing on you that will be running over.

  7. Sarah, I just want you to know that I love your morning coffee chats because you are the real deal. You say what’s on your mind and let us know what your opinion is. Depression is real. I hope it goes away soon. You are awesome and many of us love you so much. Take this time for yourself. It will get better. My prayers are with you my beloved Sarah.

  8. Hi Sarah, Lately I’ve been thinking about some of the same topics you’ve brought up. As a nanny for over 13 years I can’t believe how much family values have changed and it seems to be getting worse. Children don’t have respect like they once did, but that is a direct reflection on what the parents are teaching or in most cases, not teaching their children. Many of the parents I have recently worked for seem to be very focused on their careers & the kids are coming in second. They spend very little time with their kids, maybe an hour a day if that, & then on the weekends they ship the kids to grandparents house because they have this attitude that they deserve it! I’m not saying that they don’t love their kids, they certainly do but they just don’t seem to feel it’s important to teach respect, manners, communication skills. They let them sit on their iPads and be entertained rather than interact with them. I know this isn’t all parents but unfortunately that’s something I’ve been seeing too much of over the last 5 years. Also there’s a new trend in not teaching the kids about religion and God, I’ve heard them say “when the children become of age they can choose weather or not to believe” YIKES!
    I watched my mother deteriorate from Alzheimer’s over an 8 year period and her last six months she got so Ill She stopped eating. To watch someone you love go through that was mentally exhausting just a shell of a former parent you knew. She had no quality of life at all. I confided in someone I thought was a friend, that It would be better for her to go to heaven than to be in that state. She passed shortly after that & I understood what the term “she’s in a better place” means. That person & I had a falling out & they had the gall to twist my words and tell people that I said I wished my mother would die already. I have been living with that hurt, that disrespectful comment for 1.5 years now and I can tell you that my true friends/ family knows exactly what I meant and it sure want that! So I can certainly relate to your post & how some people like to kick you when your down! Your a smart, sensitive woman with a gift of translating your thoughts/feelings into written words and I appreciate that you share this with those of us who have respect to appreciate your gift! Xo

  9. I’m sorry Sarah. My husband and I were just at the Archer feed store and I mentioned that you hadn’t been doing morning coffee. Next thing I know, I read your post as to why. I’m sorry that things have gotten worse since you have been here in Florida. It may be the sunshine state but doesn’t always turn the darkness in our lives to sunshine. I will keep you in my prayers. The negative things going on in this world will not get better until people realize they have put God on the back burner and put themselves first. That is sad but that is the reality. I pray the Lord heals you and brings sunshine back into your life.

  10. Sarah sorry to hear about morning coffee but the most important thing you can do is take care of Sarah. Your in my prayers. I agree with you about the world we live in. I hope God heals you and let’s the Sunshine on you.

  11. I’m so sorry you are going through these times. You give so many people a light to follow I feel horrible that you are struggling so. I’m also struggling and have been waiting for your uplifting daily visits. I’ll keep you in my prayers. God Bless You for all you do for everyone!

  12. dont you dare let people steal your joy…dont let them.. some people are as*es….how we handle them makes us who we are…dont give shi**y people the satisfaction that they can take your joy….fight sarah …you’ve got this …p.s.the finger lady ought to have known how to act in public.she was just being ignorant.

  13. I pray you find your lightness! I even pray I find my lightness where my heart sings with each new day. A slow quiet breeze snuck up and blew a dimness to the light we shine. So we will sit low and silent until the brilliance returns to our hearts. I don’t like my sorrow and not being able to glow at family and friends as we gathered for joy, although a hidden sadness is pretty easy to put over on even the most loved ones, I slump inside. Love, Terri

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